The 2 years that I was lost in the desert . . . .

I'm amazed ! When I check back the history of my blog, in 2008, I have no entries at all! 2008 and 2007 have been a challenging year for me. More downs than up. Since coming back from my trip in '06, it seems that I can't find back myself. Maybe it was mean to be, never to find back my old self.
Just like a new born butterfly, it must leave its caterpillar state that once gave nourishment and protection. It must fly for it has gained knowledge of flight. The butterfly must fly, for it is the purpose.

I'm back

It's been a long time since I last wrote here, so I'm back now. . . . So much of events had happened over the many many months in my Life which has now turn into years. Although we can't turn back the tide of time, but I'm glad that my toes can still feel the ground every morning. Thank God for that!

How Selfish Are You?

In general, you are a very giving person who treats others very well.
But at times, you insist on getting your way - when it matters most to you.

You Are 29% Selfish

How Selfish Are You?

Some late night thoughts. . .

Its June. Business have slowed down for our company and we are still in the midst of brainstorming for our next "big thing". I'm glad that my Gerl got to change her hectic job to a less stressful one with more free time for herself and us. Its a new start for her in a new industry and lots of things to learn and conquer.

As for us, we have our ups and downs together for the last five months. We have disagreements mainly in business views, which I'm glad was sorted out and arranged. Many a times, when she cried about our relationship, I know that she wanted more like marriage, family and etc, and I hoped and wish that sometimes I have all the power in my ability to provide all that. Deep down I knew it is not that simple. For the past 20 months, we have spend a lot of time together and with her family. Never in my entire life have I committed this deep with such energy and time. Truly, I enjoy the quality time I spend with my Gerl and her family. It gave me a chance to understand and learn about her family(and how about her to my family?) As for my sayang, she just simply want quality time with me and sometimes she wanted me to rest or sleep over. But I felt uncomfortable when her sisters are at home mainly that it might have negative impression on them. What if her sis think that if I can sleep over, so does that mean that they can also bring back their boyfriend and sleepover as well? or maybe does it shows that it is ok for them to sleep over at their boyfriend's place? Surely consequences of such have to be consider before doing? When I see her tears swelling up at her eyes, I wonder she understands sometimes or did she try to put herself in my shoes? It hurts me when it is always me that make her cry. Why is that?

My parents must have been wondering what is going on with me and my life? Now that I'm not working regular hours, without a regular job, how do I pay my bills and earn a living for myself ? My mom seldom see me and likewise. Only once in a while when she stay up late to read newspaper or watch TV, she managed to catch me when I came home late and we chatted for a while. My dad will already be in dreamland by then as he have to wake up very early the next day to drive. As for my dad, I hardly see him in a week unless he has a off day and our usual Thursday's squash where we can spend some Father and Son time together. This two person are the closest blood relationship I have in this world and if I don't cherish them, time will not be on my side. And did I perform my duty as the only son to them?

So you see, my dilemma is a delicate balancing act of my dear parents and my sayang. Both are important and dear to me. Currently, my sayang has not been introduce to my parents, which I hoped I can do it very soon, so that she can come visit my house like the way I visited her house. The sooner she get to know my parents, and my parents to her, things will become clearer and sort itself out.

After overcoming all that, I have to humbly overcome myself of all the hurdles before I ultimately submit myself to the Almighty one. If only time is on my side, if not, clarity of the mind, understanding and humbling of the true nature of oneself and the enlightenment of the soul will help to bridge nearer to the true meaning of this Life. God willing.

Epictetus

Epictetus is a Greek Philosopher that lived in AD 55 -135. He is basically a simple man who enjoy wholesome food, the company of friends and a tranquil life. I was reading an article about him a few days back that I found some familiar philosophy the same as mine.

He has a miserable life. Cripple, slavery and banishment from his own country. You named it, all the bad luck and mishap fall onto him. He refused to let all this circumstances crushed him, so he developed this thinking- "We must learn to bow to the inevitable and cultivate indifference to circumstances outside our control" What he meant was that we cannot always control our circumstances, but we can control how we react to those circumstances.

Instead of being bitter, self-pityness and miserable, he embraced inevitable and channel his energies more productively to find happiness and contentment in life that he loved. Why angry when the money changer is slow? Why angry when the flight is delay? Why cursed when you're struck in a traffic jam? Why fret when the meeting is delay? By worrying, fretting and angry can we achieve anything?

To a certain extend, even I fret and cursed sometimes. But since my travel trip, I let go of things that are pointless in arguing or fighting - the inevitability's of life. I'm more calm now, found peace, joy and happiness in things around me. The smell of the morning when I wake up, the food that I'm able to taste, flowers that I can see by the side of the road, a roof over my head, and a love that is dear to me. I never felt better, and thankful that I have all this.

After all what cannot be cured must be endured. Endure we must.


God, grant me the serenity
to accept things
I cannot change;
Courage to change
the things I can; and wisdom
to know the difference

My old address

By pure coincident, I found out about my old address from POSB which I have forgotten after such a long time. In my earlier post, I wrote of fond memories while staying at Pearl's Hill. Now with some new information, I'm trying to locate old friends and neighbours who stay at the same block or study at Pearl's Hill Primary School in the late 80's to early 90's, please leave me a message if you know someone who stay there during this time. Below is my old address PH,

201 Pearl Hill Terrace
Level 6-253

Pearl's Hill Terrace is the former Police Quarters that has now been converted to Student Hostel and Hostel for White-collar workers.

Last day of the year.

It was an incredible day to start off. We decided to rollerblade today at East Coast. When we reach the carpark it was as usual full. We waited 20 minitues and finally got a car moving out. As we are about to reverse into the lot, a lorry driven by an drunk Indian reversed into the lot at full speed. My blood boil ! and my gerl is even madded when she realized what had happen! It was the only time in our relationship that I have seen her so angry when she went to the back of the Getz to get the golf club. She could defeat the entire Alexander's army without a flinch - it is that scary.