Its June. Business have slowed down for our company and we are still in the midst of brainstorming for our next "big thing". I'm glad that my Gerl got to change her hectic job to a less stressful one with more free time for herself and us. Its a new start for her in a new industry and lots of things to learn and conquer.
As for us, we have our ups and downs together for the last five months. We have disagreements mainly in business views, which I'm glad was sorted out and arranged. Many a times, when she cried about our relationship, I know that she wanted more like marriage, family and etc, and I hoped and wish that sometimes I have all the power in my ability to provide all that. Deep down I knew it is not that simple. For the past 20 months, we have spend a lot of time together and with her family. Never in my entire life have I committed this deep with such energy and time. Truly, I enjoy the quality time I spend with my Gerl and her family. It gave me a chance to understand and learn about her family(and how about her to my family?) As for my sayang, she just simply want quality time with me and sometimes she wanted me to rest or sleep over. But I felt uncomfortable when her sisters are at home mainly that it might have negative impression on them. What if her sis think that if I can sleep over, so does that mean that they can also bring back their boyfriend and sleepover as well? or maybe does it shows that it is ok for them to sleep over at their boyfriend's place? Surely consequences of such have to be consider before doing? When I see her tears swelling up at her eyes, I wonder she understands sometimes or did she try to put herself in my shoes? It hurts me when it is always me that make her cry. Why is that?
My parents must have been wondering what is going on with me and my life? Now that I'm not working regular hours, without a regular job, how do I pay my bills and earn a living for myself ? My mom seldom see me and likewise. Only once in a while when she stay up late to read newspaper or watch TV, she managed to catch me when I came home late and we chatted for a while. My dad will already be in dreamland by then as he have to wake up very early the next day to drive. As for my dad, I hardly see him in a week unless he has a off day and our usual Thursday's squash where we can spend some Father and Son time together. This two person are the closest blood relationship I have in this world and if I don't cherish them, time will not be on my side. And did I perform my duty as the only son to them?
So you see, my dilemma is a delicate balancing act of my dear parents and my sayang. Both are important and dear to me. Currently, my sayang has not been introduce to my parents, which I hoped I can do it very soon, so that she can come visit my house like the way I visited her house. The sooner she get to know my parents, and my parents to her, things will become clearer and sort itself out.
After overcoming all that, I have to humbly overcome myself of all the hurdles before I ultimately submit myself to the Almighty one. If only time is on my side, if not, clarity of the mind, understanding and humbling of the true nature of oneself and the enlightenment of the soul will help to bridge nearer to the true meaning of this Life. God willing.
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