My whole night crashes on me in the early hours of today. Following a talk with her in the car. Seeing her cry and the things that I do make her cry, I feel not worthy of myself, sad with pitifulness of myself on the situation. The wordings of "My business" or "Your business" is causing me pain and self inflicting sadness. The holidays is also causing troubles of not able to travel because of peak fares. But what can I do when she can only take a combine leave is during a holiday so that she won't spend enough all her leave. From now onwards, I have to be very caution on the words that came out of my mouth.

Follow that, when I reach home, my parents were not asleep. My father the worried one, lie on the sofa reading a magazine. He gave a huge sigh suddenly which shocked me, making me think that something terrible wrong has happened. He always think one of this day when I'm riding outside, something is going to happen to me. My mom say he can't sleep when I came home late. I noticed that this always happened when somebody died in an road accident and is reported killed. I'm sick and tried of this. My parents of all people just don't understand me. They keep thinking I'm like a dare devil racer or something, not cherishing my life at all and I go out at night and race. I'm utterly disappointed with them. I think is time for me to moved out and be independent for myself. In fact I did not ride tonight, because my Vespa couldn't start. And further more I seldom ride in rainy weather. I do cherished my own life, they don't have to remind me of that.

After living with my parents for my entire life, I'm sick and tired of their every day worries. Because they do not understand me at all. How I have grown up and be very independent of myself. They don't understand why I went backpacking for four months to suffer. They don't understand why I don't want to find a regular job but instead I need to start a business of my own. They don't understand about the feeling of riding a bike, but only the stigma that is attached to it. My paranoia father is driving me crazy with sadness.

All I want is to live in peace and be able to do things I wanted to do. Is that so hard to understand ? If push come to shove one day, I might just pack my bag and called it a day. A day I hope not to see.